Dear Eliot...

You're one! Happy 1st Birthday Little Lover!

I cannot believe that it's been a full year since you were born. You don't know this yet, but your birth was the most amazing experience of my life. When we pulled you out of the water and I put you on my chest, I was absolutely sure that I couldn't possibly love you any more that I did at that very moment. Your eyes were open and you stared at us quietly and we were utterly blown away by the miracle of your birth. How could I know that in every day since that day, I would grow to love you more?

Everything you do is magical and precious to me. The way you snuggle up to me during the night and breathe your sweet baby's breath on my face. The way you giggle when we chase you around the room or tell you something is "yucky". Your complete obsession with the vacuum cleaner and all it's accessories. The way you splash me whenever you have a bath. Your wet, open mouthed kisses (we're still working on that) and your soft hugs. The way you push your little wooden cars around making little car noises. Your raspy little voice. Even in my complete exhaustion in the middle of night, I am head over heels in love with you.

To be totally honest Eliot, what I feel for you today is completely terrifying. I have no control over it and it consumes me entirely. I want so many things for you and at the same time, I only want to shelter and protect you. This world is both a beautiful and a horrible place all at the same time. How can I possibly prepare you for what is to come? How can I be the mother you need when there are so many areas in which I lack foresight, knowledge and wisdom. There are so many things for the both of us to learn and our days fly by too quickly. My mistakes are already piling up - I've let you fall off the bed, twice!

For whatever I lack (and I fear that it's a lot), I'm sorry. While I cannot promise perfection, I can promise to love you unconditionally. I know that there will be days to come when we will not agree, but I will be there for you always. You can feel completely secure in my love. While I have no idea what the future holds for you, I can't wait to encounter it with you and your Daddy.

You are the bright light in my life and I am forever grateful for the gift of your presence. Thank you for your spirit, your humor, your stubbornness, your individuality, your sweet, sweet soul...in all my dreams of you, I never realized how much you would change my life.

I love you, forever...
Mama